Good-Bye and Well, hello there!

So since my last eHarmony update, I was hemming and hawing about what to do about the guy with four kids - Mr. R.  Well folks, I went with my heart and.....

Good Bye Mr. R: I closed the match several days after my last eharmony update. Sorry to say because he was really nice and communicated well.  Unfortunately 4 kids was just too much baggage and while I know it's definitely possibility that at my age I could be somebody's stepmother...Maria of the Sound of Music, I ain't.  However, I did something that I would appreciate if I were in his shoes.  I sent him a "Dear John" letter explaining why I was making the decision to close the match and then I closed it.

Hello Misters S & M:  Ok, get your minds out of the gutter people.  There are now two men I am communicating with openly now as we made it through all the initial stages and are at the direct email communication phase of our eHarmony relationship.  After saying good-bye to Mr. R, I started communicating with Mr. S from Nashua and Mr. M from Marlborough.  Both are

• Job Status: Professionals (Electrical Engineer versus Educational Administrator
• Single: Divorced father of two versus single man
• Origin:  Both not from the Boston area (Burkina Fasso and San Diego)

So far, we are just an initial stages of communicating but both are interested in seeing what happens as am I. 

Looking for Mom or Dad? You know how the saying goes - people end up marrying someone that reminds them of their parents?  I actually found it very interesting that I have chosen two very different men with distinct experiences and backgrounds but relatable to my family in a way.  My father comes from a family of engineers, my father is Eletrical and Mechanical and all my uncles are engineers, my aunt works in an engineering office.  Out of 30 Colombian cousins, only 3 of us are not enginners (yes, one of them would be me).  My mother, on the other hand comes from a long line of educators, we have our family history that shows education as the profession of our family to the 18th century.  My mom currently teaches at U Mass Dartmouth and my father is an Senior Engineer at Raytheon.  But hey, I haven't exactly met them yet - I mean - in person.  So let me slow the pace and get back to reality.

I am still glad that I am sticking with eHarmony as it fits my personality and my lifestyle.  But the deadline of April 5th in terms of resubscribing is looming on the horizon.  Who knows?  Maybe I won't need to.  Until next time....stay tuned....

Moose, Coyotes, Bears....Oh My!

When I moved to New Hampshire in 2008, I knew I was heading to an area that was off the beaten track - afterall mapquest didn't even have our street on the map and still doesn't have it on GPS.  Yes, I live far from civilization - we are surrounded by a wooded area.  The first Dunkin Donuts is a five minute drive (unheard of by Boston standards) and Starbucks is...GASP.....a 15 minute drive!  Hey, at least Starbucks has a drive thru, right?  And by the way, I have no problem relying on coffee places to determine what constitutes civilization - I am half-Colombian afterall!

Last year, I had my first jolt of reality about where I live and how close we are to the woods.  Yes, Bella (aka Toto),  we are not in Boston (Kansas) anymore.  There was a black bear sighting in Brookline, NH - in fact the bear was seen on my very street.  Was I sorry I missed the sighting - absolutely, was I didn't come into direct contact?  Hell, yeah!

Flashforward to this past week, where we have ample snow on the ground which shows all kinds of tracks in our yard.  My stepmother came in one Saturday and said, "Um, I think there are moosetracks in the backyard."  No, not Ben & Jerry (we broke up weeks ago, remember?) but REAL moosetracks.  My father was incredulous, , "Absolutely no, they are Bella's tracks."  Of course, we all had to go out to investigate - my stepmom, sister and me.  I mean, there is a significant difference in the hoofs of a moose and the paws of our beloved 65 pound puppy.  Although apparently my father didn't think so, ha!  We found the tracks and it was like fitting our foot within a foot of a dinosaur - so, not Bella's paw print.  So we have MOOSE!  No sightings yet, but definitely we have moose neighbors.  Again, yes I want to see them - but definitely from afar - I have heard that they are not exactly friendly and I would rather them not charge me or my car for that matter.

Then, two nights ago, I was in a deep sleep to be woken up by my sister's "hoofs" running up and down the hallway shouting, "Mom, there are coyotes outside!"  I was like, "Whoa, what did she just say?" And sure enough I could hear them serenading our beautiful Bella.  The howling was not exactly like listening to Handel's Messiah but they were definitely coyotes, judging by the tracks outside.

We now have convinced my father that we do have moose - we dragged him outside to see yesterday.  And he does believe that we have coyotes as well but believes that Bella can take them down either with her beauty and charm or by force.  She is a force to be reckon with when it comes to protecting us - however, I fear that her bark is worse than her bite.

If I get any sightings of our new winter neighbors, will definitely post.  But for now, I will drink my homemade Colombian coffee (too lazy to drive this morning) and hope that they stay at bay.

eHarmony update: Hope & Honesty

Hope springs eternal - isn't that how the saying goes?  I can tell you this - I have been on eHarmony for a full month now and I haven't given up.....yet.

Since I last blogged, I was communicating pretty heavily with Mr. R and was still receiving matches daily to chose whether or not to communicate or close.  Not to mention, there were men closing me out as well.  While I was focusing on my communication with Mr. R, I was ignoring the new matches.  Then my health scare happened and then work got more hectic.  So for two weeks, eHarmony has not been the top of my "to-do" list.

It's funny, as much as I would like to be in a monogamous, loving relationship at this stage in my life, as soon as life throws me a curve ball, the focus on this goal diminishes.  Until that is, today.  I was sitting in a conference room at work when a good friend of mine stopped by.  We were catching up when she asked me how it was going with eHarmony and I said, "To be honest, I haven't really been focusing on it since before my fated trips to the ER."  Good friends never let you forget things that are really important to you. And this friend was no different.  She basically asked me why not and when I listed the litany of excuses, she reminded me of my wish to have a family , etc., etc., etc.....and it made me question the true reason why I hadn't been on the eHarmony website in over a week.

Why?  Ok, here comes the honesty part - it was fear of facing Mr. R since his last communication and also even continuing on eHarmony.  I mean, hey, I have been on eHarmony for a whole MONTH now, shouldn't prince charming already be identified and us be on our way to love happily ever after?????  Ok, ok, this is not ABC's Bachelorette or a Disney Movie.  And yes, I have to admit, I am in patient and wish that dating was more "organic" and less of a job that I had to work at.  But here I am and it is 2010 afterall.  Ah, the joy of it all! 

So back to Mr. R's communication.  We emailed pretty consistently during the first 3 weeks of January.  During this time, I learned that he is of Haitian descent but has no ties to Haiti; he travels a lot for work and is originally from California.  He writes great emails and there was an ease about our communication before I got sick.  Oh, yeah, another important piece - he has four, yes I said, four kids.  And yes, that is the main reason for my delay in going on eHarmony to send him another email. I truly had to do some soul-searching and of course polling among my friends.  Here's how the percentage came out of the 10 people I polled:

10% said give him a chance

90% said RUN!!!!!!!

So of course, I ran and closed the match, right? 

No, at least not yet.  It's important to note that a) he is not adverse to having more kids - afterall, hasn't he already proven that he has no problem in that area???? and b) I don't know if they live with them or their ages.  OK, OK, I knew I was going to have to face the fact that with my age, I am bound to be communicating with men who have kids.....but....FOUR????  Also, he wanted me to call him.  Maybe I am old fashioned but I just didn't feel comfortable yet, yes, I do have a shy streak and he just had dropped the bomb on me about the four kids (are you heaing the Gap Band, "You Dropped The Bomb On Me" in your head???)

So today, I faced my fears and cleaned up my eHarmony matches to reinvigorate my focus and stay true to my desire to meet a new man to share my life with - oh, how romantic that sounds, huh?  Here's what my account looked like this:

• Three matches in different levels of communication (Mr. R - email; Mr. S and Mr. J - can't stands/must haves 
• 10 in initial communication from January 5th - January 22nd
• 47 new matches to review since January 12th.

I responded to Mr. R and asked if he still wanted to communicate and if we could email until next week when I will call and decide then weather or not to close him out completely.  I also cleaned up my eHarmony account and here's where it stands:

• 11 in communication (1 email; 2 can't stands/must haves and 8 in 1st questions mode)
• 5 closed after not communicating for the past month
• 36 closed because of my gut instinct or maybe/not wanting to have kids

Onwards and upwards, right?  Will keep you posted next week on the exciting news from eHarmony land.  I do have hope but lesson was learned about keeping focus amidst the chaos that can be my life.  So who knows but at least I am trying! :)

Ben and Jerry - I am sorry, it's time for us to break up :(

Sad but true, my love of everything Ben and Jerry's: from Half-baked to Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough to Cherry Garcia - it's time for me to say ta-ta, so long, sayonara, adios. 

Why?  Well after a long and hard day yesterday, I arrived home, ate dinner with the fam, and proceeded to raid the frig for something sweet.  Instead of wine, I went for Half-Baked and ate a cup of that.  YUMMMMMMM!  And then, my stepmom decided to make banana souffles, yes mini-ones but also had that also.  DOUBLE YUMMMMM! 

However, this is how I got in trouble in the first place.  Four years ago, I was a power yogaing fool who worked for a computer software company.  I had a cushiony job doing executive meetings with scrumptious but healthy food.  I also had a flexible schedule and a 15 minute commute from Melrose, MA.  In February of 2006, I started a new job, moved in with my then boyfriend, and moved to Boston from Melrose.  My commute doubled and so did my stress-level but even more importantly a strict standard schedule.  I did my best to incorporate exercise but my eating went south - salads were replaced by chicken fingers, pizza and yummy pad thai.  Exercise was replaced with reality TV.  The result, I put on 60 pounds in 2 years!!!

In 2008 when my relationship ended and I moved in with my parents to save money for a condo, I decided, enough was enough.  So even with the strict work schedule, I started waking up at ungodly hours to avoid the Rte 3 traffic and heading to the gym or to yoga.  I joined Weight Watchers in 2008 and didn't have much success at all.  Believe it when they say emotions have everything to do with weight loss and can impede progress.  I still was losing weight just a lot slower than I was used to.  Once the cloud over me had lifted, the weight started coming off and I rejoined in 2009.   

Now in 2010, I am down 45 of the 60 pounds and am still committed to getting down to the weight that I was in 2008 and potentially more depending on my doctor's advice.  Trust me losing weight in your 30s is NOTHING like losing weight in your 20's.  For a long time, I thought I was on a mountain saying, "Hello Metabolism, Where ARE YOU?"  Only to hear my own voice echoing back at me. 

I am happy to say metabolism and I have found a happy, yes, slower but happy medium and I have signed up for a new Weight Watchers 12 week program to get me over the ump of work busy season or craziness.  Thank god for the support of co-workers, friends and family.  I couldn't have done it or continue to do it without you guys!

Budget Crunch: Week 1

Let the money jar project commence.  It is week 1 and I am already seeing a trend - I love spending money on food.  Shocker!

Back to the money project - I officially began the jar project this past Monday and proceeded to take out 25% of my bimonthly paycheck. Then what did I do?  Yes, ladies and gents - I left my wallet at work.  Yes, with the money in it and yes with my 90 minute commute home with no license and cops just waiting with bated breath to pull over my CR-V.  Nah, just kidding, I didn't get pulled over - yeah to cruise control.

So now my empty jars are chock full of money - Ha!  Not quite but they are filled with receipts and money devoted to the 5 categories: transportation, clothes/gifts, entertainment, food, and misc.

You with the sharp eyes can see Bella sleeping in the background - she is obviously my financial advisor!  I created a spreadsheet with the five categories detailing input and output and even within the first 4 days, I have already had to adjust but haven't gone over - yet.  I am hopeful I can stay within the budget but it is definitely not easy with busy season at work and my penchant for ordering chicken fingers when I am stressed but I am committed to saving what I need to save for a condo in 2011 and becoming a debt free person (yes, I am aware that I am saving and paying off debt only to become a homeowner and debtfull - oh the irony!).

Because I am paid every two weeks, I have to budget for two weeks so while it may look like I have money, keep in mind, one jar is already empty with a receipt from Weight Watchers.  That was today which required me to adjust the spreadsheet as we as a group decided to go 19 weeks instead of 12 weeks.  But hey, it's for my health, right?  Actually all of this is for my health - financial and otherwise.

So if you want to join me in the budget curnch, ehem, I mean financial savior plan - see the following URL and have at it.  Also, let me know how you are making out - misery, I mean, optimism loves company!

Money Jars

Back to the 80s....music that is!

Ah, the 80s - the music, the fashion, the assymmetrical haircuts (yes, I had one!) - it all came back to me last night when I was relaxing in my Dad's man cave watching the latest episode of The Bachelor (yes, I am afraid I am STILL hooked on the show). 

During one of the commercial breaks, I came across my 14 year old sister's latest list of songs to download from iTunes:

1. "We don't have to take our clothes off" - Jermaine Stewart
2. "Puttin On the Ritz" - Taco
3. "Take On Me" - A-Ha
4. "Der  Kommissar" - After The Fire
5. "Keep Your Hands To Yourself " - Georgia Satellite
6. "Catch Me I'm Falling" - Pretty Poison

I couldn't believe it.  She is hooked on the 80s - My music.  And dare I say it, i danced to a lot of the songs on her list when I was - dare I say it - HER AGE!  I have to thank VH1 for their Best of the 80s marathons.  It cracks me up everytime my sister looks at me and says, "Hey Lis, have you heard of this song? this band"  And I just smile and say, "honey, I lived it!"  and then I teach her the wop, running man or roger rabbit which she then presents at dinner time to the delight and rousing laughter of my parents.  Hey, at least she has rhythm and also, I must say, great taste in music!