Since I last blogged, I was communicating pretty heavily with Mr. R and was still receiving matches daily to chose whether or not to communicate or close. Not to mention, there were men closing me out as well. While I was focusing on my communication with Mr. R, I was ignoring the new matches. Then my health scare happened and then work got more hectic. So for two weeks, eHarmony has not been the top of my "to-do" list.
It's funny, as much as I would like to be in a monogamous, loving relationship at this stage in my life, as soon as life throws me a curve ball, the focus on this goal diminishes. Until that is, today. I was sitting in a conference room at work when a good friend of mine stopped by. We were catching up when she asked me how it was going with eHarmony and I said, "To be honest, I haven't really been focusing on it since before my fated trips to the ER." Good friends never let you forget things that are really important to you. And this friend was no different. She basically asked me why not and when I listed the litany of excuses, she reminded me of my wish to have a family , etc., etc., etc.....and it made me question the true reason why I hadn't been on the eHarmony website in over a week.
Why? Ok, here comes the honesty part - it was fear of facing Mr. R since his last communication and also even continuing on eHarmony. I mean, hey, I have been on eHarmony for a whole MONTH now, shouldn't prince charming already be identified and us be on our way to love happily ever after????? Ok, ok, this is not ABC's Bachelorette or a Disney Movie. And yes, I have to admit, I am in patient and wish that dating was more "organic" and less of a job that I had to work at. But here I am and it is 2010 afterall. Ah, the joy of it all!
So back to Mr. R's communication. We emailed pretty consistently during the first 3 weeks of January. During this time, I learned that he is of Haitian descent but has no ties to Haiti; he travels a lot for work and is originally from California. He writes great emails and there was an ease about our communication before I got sick. Oh, yeah, another important piece - he has four, yes I said, four kids. And yes, that is the main reason for my delay in going on eHarmony to send him another email. I truly had to do some soul-searching and of course polling among my friends. Here's how the percentage came out of the 10 people I polled:
10% said give him a chance
90% said RUN!!!!!!!
No, at least not yet. It's important to note that a) he is not adverse to having more kids - afterall, hasn't he already proven that he has no problem in that area???? and b) I don't know if they live with them or their ages. OK, OK, I knew I was going to have to face the fact that with my age, I am bound to be communicating with men who have kids.....but....FOUR???? Also, he wanted me to call him. Maybe I am old fashioned but I just didn't feel comfortable yet, yes, I do have a shy streak and he just had dropped the bomb on me about the four kids (are you heaing the Gap Band, "You Dropped The Bomb On Me" in your head???)
So today, I faced my fears and cleaned up my eHarmony matches to reinvigorate my focus and stay true to my desire to meet a new man to share my life with - oh, how romantic that sounds, huh? Here's what my account looked like this:
- Three matches in different levels of communication (Mr. R - email; Mr. S and Mr. J - can't stands/must haves
- 10 in initial communication from January 5th - January 22nd
- 47 new matches to review since January 12th.
- 11 in communication (1 email; 2 can't stands/must haves and 8 in 1st questions mode)
- 5 closed after not communicating for the past month
- 36 closed because of my gut instinct or maybe/not wanting to have kids
1 comment:
Yes Elisa - you are the ultimate supporter of other people - IT'S TIME TO DO YOU! I love these stories - keep them coming. eHarmony is so interesting. Can't wait to hear more about Mr.R/J/S!
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